The Story of Bittlely Battlely Bo
Once upon a time, there was an elf named “Bittlely Battlely Bo” who lived in the forest. Now Bittlely Battlely Bo had pointy ears, a pointy nose and was only six inches high. His skin was green.
In the forest were many strange and mystical creatures. Every morning Bittlely Battlely Bo would greet all the animals, all the birds, and all the sprites and fairies. He gave each and every one his friendly elfin “Howdee doo!” in the morning. That is why they all knew him.
One morning Bittlely Battlely Bo’s friend, Frumkin, said, “Hey, Bittlely Battlely Bo, let’s go on a strange and unusual adventure!”
Bittlely Battlely Bo said, “I don’t know. Sounds pretty scary to me.”
Frumkin said, “Oh, don’t be a ‘fraidy-cat, there’s nuttin’ to be ‘fraid of outside of the forest.”
Bittlely Battlely Bo said, “I’m not so sure.”
Frumkin said, “Ah, don’t be such a ‘fraidy-cat. Come with me and you will see that there is nuttin’ to be ‘fraid of out there.”
Finally Bittlely Battlely Bo said, “OK but we have to be back by sunset. My mother worries if I don’t get home by the time it is dark.”
Frumkin laughed and laughed and laughed and said, “Oh, you’re so silly. Don’t worry about your mother.”
Bittlely Battlely Bo said, “Oh yes, I do worry about my mother and we will have to be back by sundown so she will not worry about me. You have to promise or I will not go with you on your strange and unusual adventure.” Frumkin promised and the two elfin boys set out.
First they went through the forest and Bittlely Battlely Bo gave a “Howdee doo!” to all the animals, birds, sprites and fairies. Soon they reached the forest edge. Bittlely Battlely Bo wanted to turn back. He said, “I am very frightened. I have never left the forest before and I do not know what is out there.”
Frumkin said, “Aah, don’t be a scaredy-cat. There’s nuttin’ out there.” The two elves ventured outside of the forest for the first time.
As they were walking along the path, they heard a strange noise in the sky. It sounded like a crow but when they looked up they saw it was much too large to be a crow. It was a raven and to the elves it seemed like a giant bird. The raven landed next to Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin and said, “What are you two elves doing outside of the forest? Don’t you know that ravens eat elves?” Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin ran as fast as they could and the raven just chuckled, “Caw, caw, caw, caw.”
As they were running, they came upon a giant toad. Now there are toads and frogs in the forest but nothing like this one. It was huge, larger than the two elves put together. It had spikes all over its back and a row of horns down its spine and a long sharp tail. The giant horny toad said, “What are you two elves doing outside of the forest? Don’t you know that giant horny toads eat elves?” Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin ran even faster and the horny toad just chuckled, “Croak, croak, croak, croak.”
As they were fleeing for their lives, BAM! they ran right into a giant troll. He was taller than any tree in the forest and he had a horrible odor of mushrooms about him. Frumkin turned to Bittlely Battlely Bo and said, “Let’s run away. I’m scared.”
This time Bittlely Battlely Bo turned to Frumkin and said, “Now who is the scaredy-cat? You said we were going on a strange and unusual adventure and you weren’t frightened. I’m the one who said we should stay in our forest. Now you want to run away like a coward. No, I will stay and talk to the giant troll.”
The giant looked down from the sky and saw the two elves scurrying around like ants at his feet and he said in a voice like thunder, “What are you two elves doing outside of the forest? Don’t you know that giant trolls eat elves?” Frumkin started to run away but Bittlely Battlely Bo grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back.
Bittlely Battlely Bo looked up at the giant and said, “Howdee doo! You wouldn’t want to eat us. We would taste very bad because all we ever eat in our forest is mushrooms.”
“Ohh!” said the giant, “I love the taste of mushrooms and onions.”
Bittlely Battlely Bo realized he had made a big mistake. He turned to Frumkin and said, “I think you’re right. We better run.” So, Frumkin and Bittlely Battlely Bo began to run. The giant merely leaned over, reached out his arm as long as a mile, and picked up the two elves by their coat tails. He held them up in the air kicking. Higher and higher they went until they were as high as the clouds, as high as a rainbow. The giant jiggled them like a cat playing with a mouse. Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin were scared half to death. The giant said, “Fo, fo, fo, I’m gonna take you home and cook you up with some nice onions and mushrooms.” He packed the elves in his cap, slapped the cap back on his head, and started to walk home.
To Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin it seemed like an earthquake when the giant walked. BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! They bounced up and down inside of his cap. Frumkin started to cry, “I’m sorry I ever asked you to come on this horrible, terrible adventure.”
Bittlely Battlely Bo said, “Don’t cry Frumkin. We’ll think of something.” He pulled a feather from his own little cap. “If we can tickle him behind his ears, he might pull off his cap to scratch. When he pulls off his cap, scurry down his back as fast as you can but don’t jump. It’s so far down, we could hurt ourselves.”
Bittlely Battlely Bo started tickling the giant’s ear. Nothing happened. He tickled and tickled but the giant didn’t seem to feel anything. Finally, he tickled right at the tip of the giant’s ear and the the giant switched at his head as if some fly was bothering him. He snatched the cap off his head completely forgetting about the two helpless elves.
They scurried down his greasy hair, jumped on his shoulders and scurried down his back. All of a sudden the giant realized what had happened. He reached around his back and tried to trap the two elves but they jumped down his pants and ran down his legs as fast as they could. They jumped out of his shoes onto the ground and ran. The giant reached out his mile long arm to grab them up again when the elves found a mole hole. They scurried down the hole out of the giant’s reach. The giant couldn’t find them anywhere.
When Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin scurried to the bottom of the mole hole, there sat Mr. Mole. He turned to them and said, “What are you two elves doing outside of the forest? Don’t you know that moles eat elves?”
Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin laughed and laughed for the mole was even smaller than they were. Bittlely Battlely Bo had many mole friends in the forest and he knew that moles did not eat elves. He asked the mole, “Howdee doo! Why did you say such a silly thing?”
The mole answered, “Because you should go home and stay in your own world close to your own hut and your own family. If you peek outside, you will see that it is almost sunset. Your mother will be worried about you.”
Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin peeked out. All they could see of the giant was his back BOOMING farther and farther away, getting smaller and smaller. They knew they were safe. They popped out of the mole hole and started to run for the forest as fast as their elfin legs would carry them.
Just as the sun was setting and the last ray of golden light peeked behind the mountains, Bittlely Battlely Bo and Frumkin entered the forest. They sighed a deep sigh of relief, “Oh, it’s so good to be home with all the friends we know.” As they went home they both gave nice “Howdee doos!” to all the animals and birds, all the sprites and fairies. None of these creatures wanted to eat the elves for their dinner.
When they reached the hut of Bittlely Battlely Bo’s family, his mother was waiting up at the door with a worried look on her face. She said, “Bittlely, where have you been. I have been so worried.”
Bittlely Battlely Bo looked at Frumkin and said, “Mother, we have been on a strange and unusual adventure. You don’t need to worry. From now on we will always stay in our very own forest where we know we are safe.”
Frumkin just nodded and headed for his family’s hut. As he left he gave Bittlely Battlely Bo a nice “Bydee Boo!”
Bittlely Battlely Bo by C. Walker ©03